זה בכלל לקוח מאיזה איימיל שהסתובב
לו, הנוסח המלא: Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the female Rush Limbaugh, has stirred more than enough controversy in the past few months. The popular distributor of radio advice has angered gays and lesbians with her bizarre brand of know-nothing homophobia, she has turned off supporters of the First Amendment with her militant determination to mix church and state, she even has offended Canadians -- no easy task. Now, censorship gets no quarter in this column. But effective satire does -- particularly when it points up the hypocritical and a historic way Dr. Laura reads the Bible. And there's never been any question that using the Bible as a hammer, rather than a map, begs satirical treatment. Along these lines: A letter making the rounds in recent days hits the nail -- or should we say the good doctor -- right on the head: Dear Dr. Laura, Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend homosexuality, for example, I will simply remind him or her that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other laws in Leviticus and Exodus and how to best follow them. To wit: When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Leviticus 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this? I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as stated in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Leviticus 15:19-24). The problem is, how can I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Canadians, but not Mexicans. Can you clarify? I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? A friend of mine says that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Leviticus 20:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Sincerely, A devoted listener