שלוםםם..

oRockGirLr

New member
שלוםםם.. ../images/Emo9.gif../images/Emo53.gif

אממ כתבתי כמה שירים באנגלית ודיקדוק זה בהחלט לא הצד החזק שלי.. אם אתם יכולים בבקשה לתקן את מה שצריך
תודה מראש
Nothing Can't Stop Them It is a cold night The rain is knocking on the windows... She can't fall asleep Her heart is beating... She knows that she isn't alone That they come to visit her again As all the nights they have visited her... And nothing can't stop them They come to her for revenge Because they can't live again But they still feel the pain And nothing can't stop them And she is still lying in her bed She tries to ignore them... But their story is so sad That she hear their crying everywhere... She knows that she isn't alone That they come to visit her again As all the nights they have visited her... And nothing can't stop them They come to her for revenge Because they can't live again But they still feel the pain And nothing can't stop them She's screams...she's fights...she's cries... She only wants to sleep again They don't want to leave her alone... And nothing can't stop them... She knows that she isn't alone That they come to visit her again As all the nights they have visited her... And nothing can't stop them They come to her for revenge Because they can't live again But they still feel the pain And nothing can't stop...them Only god can judge me You are human just like me You don’t know what’s going to be We are all god’s toys So shut up I don’t wanna hear your voice! Don’t judge me because of who I am Don’t judge me because of what I do Don’t judge me because you can’t Oh man who the hell are you?! So put out from me your fuckin’ eyes In hell I’ll pay the price But now I’m living in this world The one who can judge me, this is GOD! Yes, this is my destiny So please don’t judge me I do what I like, while I live in this world And the one who can judge me, this is god! Don’t judge me because of who I am Don’t judge me because of what I do Don’t judge me because you can’t Oh man who the hell are you?! So put out from me your fuckin’ eyes In hell I’ll pay the price But now I’m living in this world The one who can judge me, this is GOD My Own World I created my own world From my lost dreams From my heaven that above From the pain that I feel I created my own world To find a place to hide To hide from my love To hide from my heart I created my own world With an ocean from my tears With a sky without god With a valley from my dreams I created my own world But even there I'm still alone But even there I feel cold Even there I can't feel sun
 

snooPPiT

New member
אממ אמממ אני חייבת לרווווץ !

אז במידה ולא יענו לך עד הצהריים, אני אשמח =) באי
 

edlessme

New member
שמעי...

תכלס... זאת שירה, ככה שטעויות בהגיה הן בסדר.. כי... זה אומנותי שכזה... מה, גם שאת לא ממש עשית טעויות רציניות חוץ במבאיזה קטע עם המילה hear שראיתי אבל שכחתי איפה הוא היה... אה כן,גם: nothing CAN stop them... she cries,she screams, she goes to the toilet... they ARE coming to visit her again במקוםAs all the nights they have visited her עדיףjust like all the the other nights they visited ואגב... את ישראלית, את חיה בארץ, תנסי לכתוב יותר בעיברית, סתם הערה מבנית... וגם, יהיה לך יותר קל להצליח ככה...
 

oRockGirLr

New member
תודה רבה..

ובקשר להערה שלך, יש לי גם שירים בעברית. אבל כמה באנגלית שביקשתי מכם תיקון.
 

snooPPiT

New member
חוצ מההערות של ed..

"come to visit" = I think it's better to say - come visit "As all the nights" - LIKE all the nights "So put out from me your fuckin’ eyes" = So take your *ucking eyes off me [why cussing ? =/ ] and if it doesn't work out well with the rhyming, well then try -> So take off me your *ucking eyes [but it sound quirky =\] "I created my own world" = I'VE created .. "Even there I can't feel sun" - ..can't feel THE sun​
 

yshavit

New member
עוד טעות.

She's screams...she's fights...she's cries יש שתי אפשרויות she's screaming...she's fighting...she's crying או her screams her fights her tears שייכות ל pronouns היא שונה מאשר ל nouns.
 
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