My Corrections
Cell Phones in Schools Nowadays, cell phones take a big part in our lives, yet their proneness to disturb other people causes controversy when trying to regulate their use in places like classrooms (1). Thinking about this issue, my initial opinion was (2) that students' cellular phones should not be banned in school. If students (3) decide to play with their cell phone or send messages during the lessons, then that would be better than shouting or doing something which would interrupt other students. All you have to do is set your cell phone's mode to "Silent", and it won't be a problem. On the other hand, I guess teachers wouldn't be exactly pleased (4) seeing students playing with cell phone. In conclusion, I find the rules concerning cell phone use fair enough. Notes: 1. Address the issue "right off the bat": At the very first sentence of the passage. The transition from your first sentence to the second was quite awkward. 2. If you changed your mind while thinking about the issue, say so. This way it looks like you changed your mind while writing the passage. 3. Here's a nice rule of thumb: When you're talking about generalizations, gender neutral plurals ("students", "teachers") make for much easier sentences. When you use plurals, you don't need to write awkward phrases like "him/her" or "his/her" (which often can be replaced with "them" and "their", respectively). 4. Avoid passive sentences like "it is not pleasing for the teacher"). They're cubersome and tend to be more boring than their active counterparts.
