[dizy]

../images/Emo53.gif../images/Emo101.gif../images/Emo92.gif

טוב עוד פעם יש לי חיבור שתעזרו לי לתקן אותו: הפעם הנושא הוא:

are you doing enough to preserve the environment? write a composition expressing your views and ideas on the subject. ​

והינה החיבור: אשמח מאוד לתיקונים ותוספות:

Nobody do enough to preserve the environment! The environment in risk! Today our air in danger. The million of cars and buses cause air pollution. But factories also put poison into the air we breathe. To rescue the environment we have to start with the simple things, like to throw the paper wrapper just into the rubbish bin! We have to behave in saved in water and in traveling in a car when we can do it in cycle or in walking. In this summer I notice in a serious problem in pollution: the dirty beaches. Israel has 200 kilometers of beaches and many Israelis like to go to the beaches in their free time, to both private and free beaches. A lot of the beaches are suffering from pollution; many people leave their rubbish on the beach. They don’t throw away plastic bottles, bags and food from picnics. This rubbish gets washed into the water and the water pollute. Please, every one notice a paper or a battle in our beaches or in the streets please remove it and throw it in the rubbish bin for to get clean beaches and a clean environment.​

רבה למי שעוזר

 

[dizy]

מישהו ../images/Emo4.gif אני חייב ../images/Emo53.gif

ומקפיץ

 

[yuval k]

my tuppence

First, like in Hebrew, "nobody" is singular: you don't say "אף אחד לא עושים מספיק". Therefore, you should use "does". As "in risk" and "in danger" in fact describe the first part of your sentences, you should use the conjugated form "is" of verb be to "link" those two parts: "The environment is in risk!". Are there only one million cars and buses? Of course not - use "millions" instead of "million". Teachers don't like usage of the word "But" in the beginning of sentences - either use another word ("However" is a good equivalent), or simply don't use a conjunction there. I wouldn't. "like to throw", "like to go" - I would have written "like throwing", "like going" instead. I also would have said "paper wrappers" in plural. "We have to behave in saved in water..." - I am not sure I fully understand this sentence.. Next sentence - "In this summer I noticed a serious problem of pollution". Notice should be in the past tense. You don't "notice /in/ a thing", you "notice a thing". The former is an obvious translation from Hebrew - reading should help

"free beaches" - maybe use "public" (as opposed to "private")? "every one who notices" - otherwise it's like an imperative. I also would have used "on our beaches" instead of "in our beaches". "for to get"? I guess you mean something like "in order to have"... Good luck!​

 

[p i n g o]

היי,

מתי עושים אותו אדום?

 

[yuval k]

../images/Emo3.gif

 

[double O S]

היי אתה כחול^^../images/Emo96.gif