I KISSED A GIRL...
Last night, as I traveled home, I reflected back on a story that brought tears to my eyes. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. More than a year ago, I attended a dating support group at Footsteps. One evening, members were discussing their sticking points. People were asking questions and members gave comments and advice. Here I saw the perfect opportunity to ask the Million Dollar Question, “How do I take it to the next level?” I explained to the group that I had broken the record getting digits (phone numbers) from a host of strangers – miscellaneous girls, that I had met in coffee shops, parks, etc., and I was a genius to get friended (LJBF) right away. For reasons unknown to me though, I never went out romantically with anyone. “How do I take it to the next level?” “Why me?” “What am I doing wrong?” "I am good looking, physically fit, and fun to be around so why not me?” When I first left the Chasidic community, I was not good with talking to strangers. I was shy and afraid. It took a lot of work of practice to build the confidence to fit in with the people. So why after all this hard work, I still is cannot get my ass a date? I felt frustrated and helpless wondering what else I could do to get from a point A to point B. I was literally crying out loud for help. I remember how embarrassed I felt in front of all the people who were sitting at the group. I didn’t care, I was desperate, so I went for it and asked the question. It wasn’t easy, but all the members were so supportive, offering suggestions to help me get to the next level. One person suggested I should take Tango classes where I would have to touch a girl and perhaps that would make me feel more comfortable with women. I left the Footsteps space feeling disappointed and no more comfortable with women than when I went in. Perhaps I had higher expectations, but I wasn’t ready to give up yet. Needles to say, that night started out with me feeling sad, but relieved knowing there was at least one place left in New York where I could cry freely and not be judged. It took me a few months after that to discover what the real problem was. It was fear. Not the fear of being rejected or being considered a loser, but the fear of the KISS. I had never experienced the KISS before and despite the fact that I had approached many girls and engaged in lengthy conversations with them, I had never had the courage to go for the first kiss. I guess in a sense, I have always feared being rejected. How amusing though, that I’ve never had fear of approaching strangers and getting phone numbers, yet there was a sense of hesitancy when intimacy was introduced. I’m sure plenty of the girls I’ve gone out with wanted to be kissed. Not that it was actually said verbally, but the body language and getting close to me said it all. How did I not pick up on the signals that are so clear now. Was I too naïve, did I block it out, or was it fear – fear of the KISS. I guess I never had the confidence, the strength, or the balls to move forward. I never came across wanting to be intimate. As I was hanging with a new friend, I did not play with their hair, touch her shoulders, or whisper in her ear. I was hiding that I'm sexual and that I have needs. A female once told me, “When a girl wants to kiss you, she will subconsciously do this thing with her eyes called “triangle gazing.” That may be true, but myself self-esteem was too low to believe that anyone would want a kiss from me. Sad, but true at the time. A friend of mine, a young woman, from Footsteps offered to help me. She said, “Ryan, you can practice on me how to take it to the next level." Of course, I was afraid to accept her offer even though was a good friend and she comes from the same background as I, so she understands where I am coming from, but back then, I did not believe in myself. I could not believe that she really liked me and wanted to help. As you can imagine, I chickened out of opportunity. (You know who you are, thanks!!! And I miss you) Well, one day, I just did it. I went for it and kissed a girl and wow, did it feel good. “That was easy,” I said to myself, “Let me do it again." And I did it again. In fact that night, I kissed two girls!!! I felt so relieved to finally overcome my fear of the KISS. I was so elated that when I got home that night I was dancing in the shower as I reflected back on the wonderful night I had and singing out loud - “I kissed a girl and I liked it"...I kissed a girl... I KISSED A GIRL... To read the rest of the story about the night I kissed two girls, you can buy my book at Amazon for $25.00…lol. Well, I finally overcame my biggest fear and moving forward with my life, for the past seven months, I been living happily with my girlfriend, in an exclusive relationship. Thinking back, I now wonder if I would have ever gotten a real girlfriend had I not overcome my fear. Now that I am able to express myself and not afraid to show emotion, life is good. What a Difference A Year Makes! For me, I’ve learned to train my mind before I want to do something. 1) what is the worse thing that can happen if I go for the kiss, and she says no?" 2) Just DO it. Action beats no action hands down. So long everyone Ryan
Last night, as I traveled home, I reflected back on a story that brought tears to my eyes. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. More than a year ago, I attended a dating support group at Footsteps. One evening, members were discussing their sticking points. People were asking questions and members gave comments and advice. Here I saw the perfect opportunity to ask the Million Dollar Question, “How do I take it to the next level?” I explained to the group that I had broken the record getting digits (phone numbers) from a host of strangers – miscellaneous girls, that I had met in coffee shops, parks, etc., and I was a genius to get friended (LJBF) right away. For reasons unknown to me though, I never went out romantically with anyone. “How do I take it to the next level?” “Why me?” “What am I doing wrong?” "I am good looking, physically fit, and fun to be around so why not me?” When I first left the Chasidic community, I was not good with talking to strangers. I was shy and afraid. It took a lot of work of practice to build the confidence to fit in with the people. So why after all this hard work, I still is cannot get my ass a date? I felt frustrated and helpless wondering what else I could do to get from a point A to point B. I was literally crying out loud for help. I remember how embarrassed I felt in front of all the people who were sitting at the group. I didn’t care, I was desperate, so I went for it and asked the question. It wasn’t easy, but all the members were so supportive, offering suggestions to help me get to the next level. One person suggested I should take Tango classes where I would have to touch a girl and perhaps that would make me feel more comfortable with women. I left the Footsteps space feeling disappointed and no more comfortable with women than when I went in. Perhaps I had higher expectations, but I wasn’t ready to give up yet. Needles to say, that night started out with me feeling sad, but relieved knowing there was at least one place left in New York where I could cry freely and not be judged. It took me a few months after that to discover what the real problem was. It was fear. Not the fear of being rejected or being considered a loser, but the fear of the KISS. I had never experienced the KISS before and despite the fact that I had approached many girls and engaged in lengthy conversations with them, I had never had the courage to go for the first kiss. I guess in a sense, I have always feared being rejected. How amusing though, that I’ve never had fear of approaching strangers and getting phone numbers, yet there was a sense of hesitancy when intimacy was introduced. I’m sure plenty of the girls I’ve gone out with wanted to be kissed. Not that it was actually said verbally, but the body language and getting close to me said it all. How did I not pick up on the signals that are so clear now. Was I too naïve, did I block it out, or was it fear – fear of the KISS. I guess I never had the confidence, the strength, or the balls to move forward. I never came across wanting to be intimate. As I was hanging with a new friend, I did not play with their hair, touch her shoulders, or whisper in her ear. I was hiding that I'm sexual and that I have needs. A female once told me, “When a girl wants to kiss you, she will subconsciously do this thing with her eyes called “triangle gazing.” That may be true, but myself self-esteem was too low to believe that anyone would want a kiss from me. Sad, but true at the time. A friend of mine, a young woman, from Footsteps offered to help me. She said, “Ryan, you can practice on me how to take it to the next level." Of course, I was afraid to accept her offer even though was a good friend and she comes from the same background as I, so she understands where I am coming from, but back then, I did not believe in myself. I could not believe that she really liked me and wanted to help. As you can imagine, I chickened out of opportunity. (You know who you are, thanks!!! And I miss you) Well, one day, I just did it. I went for it and kissed a girl and wow, did it feel good. “That was easy,” I said to myself, “Let me do it again." And I did it again. In fact that night, I kissed two girls!!! I felt so relieved to finally overcome my fear of the KISS. I was so elated that when I got home that night I was dancing in the shower as I reflected back on the wonderful night I had and singing out loud - “I kissed a girl and I liked it"...I kissed a girl... I KISSED A GIRL... To read the rest of the story about the night I kissed two girls, you can buy my book at Amazon for $25.00…lol. Well, I finally overcame my biggest fear and moving forward with my life, for the past seven months, I been living happily with my girlfriend, in an exclusive relationship. Thinking back, I now wonder if I would have ever gotten a real girlfriend had I not overcome my fear. Now that I am able to express myself and not afraid to show emotion, life is good. What a Difference A Year Makes! For me, I’ve learned to train my mind before I want to do something. 1) what is the worse thing that can happen if I go for the kiss, and she says no?" 2) Just DO it. Action beats no action hands down. So long everyone Ryan