I had to write an essay...

[EvyatarB]

I had to write an essay...

Well, I had to write an essay for school about a day in my summer, after wondering why they still make us do those things in the 11th grade, I got to work. I'd love to hear comments, and if anyone wants to play a betting game on my grade, do so. And another note - I wrote it by hand and I'm just typing it now for your pleasure (

), so there's no word to fix my spelling mistakes, I'll be glad if you correct me for grammar and spelling mistakes. Well, here goes: It was a hot summer evening. I was having dinner with my family and one close friend. My mother asked me to go fetch my younger brother from my neighbour’s house. As I walked towards the open door, I froze, my leg in mid-air, as I noticed the 3-foot-long monster! The huge Snake made the first move, after a 20-second-long staredown. The beast crawled towards our gas balloons, and set camp behind them. The little incident ended with no casualties, as I called a snake-catcher. He came right away and caught the monster.​

 

[EvyatarB]

Also,

Let me know if you mind me posting schoolwork here, because if you don't, I'll be glad to post my upcoming booktask that I should get back this monday.​

 

[yuval k]

Is that the whole essay? ../images/Emo2.gif

 

[EvyatarB]

They made me write upto 120 words

 

[ArieIO5]

That is so stupid

I always hated the "up to" limitations. I really can't think of anything to conclude from them other than the laziness of the teachers. Did they at least tell you to write no LESS than a certain number of words as well, or was it perfectly okay with them if someone handed in a two-sentence essay?​

 

[EvyatarB]

100-120.. very lame

I love writing essays, but when it's too short to get to the point, it's no fun. Any chance I can get any comments about the actual essay, though? >.>​

 

[ArieIO5]

Sure

The essay was really cool. Sounds like you had an interesting summer... ​

 

[yuval k]

They made us write at least 6 pages

 

[AnnabeI Lee]

I liked it a lot.

The only thing I would changed is the word "moster" in the end. "It" or "the snake" would make it a bit clearer.

 

[EvyatarB]

Thanks alot ../images/Emo9.gif

 

[yuval k]

Ok, now that I've read it...

I like it very much. I wouldn't call it an essay but a paragraph, but oh well

You do write well. If you don't mind, a few nits I'd pick: I'd change "one close friend" to "a close friend" (I don't know why, but it seems to go better with "my family" that way), and "go fetch" to "go and fetch" (goes better with the U in "neighbour"

other than that, it doesn't matter), and "the 3-foot-long monster" to "a three-foot-long monster" (sorry, told you those were nits), "Snake" to "snake" (now that's grammar :X), remove the comma after "balloons". But as you can see, those really are minor things, and since it's your work and you're the author, it's all up to you whether you accept a change or not---I might've misunderstood the effect you were trying to achieve.

 

[EvyatarB]

I appriciate your comments...

And of course I accept your corrections, I'm trying to get better you know

I'm glad you like it despite the large amount of mistakes

 

[AnnabeI Lee]

This is by no means a "large

amount of mistakes".

 

[EvyatarB]

../images/Emo9.gif

 

[yuval k]

those aren't mistakes...