An essay

T

the html man

New member
An essay

Hello! I wrote a small essay (quite strange
), and I'd like you to check it
I've separated it into 2 parts. Do you want to know how to enter your friends' houses without their permission? Do you want to steel your parents' car? The School for Crime is exactly for you! In our school we will learn the criminals' ways to make us suffer and how to protect from them. The School for Crime is in NYC. There are 200 students in the school, in ages 15-18. In order to accept to the school, you have to do some tests – for example: sport test, IQ text etc. The students are very busy, and they have a lot of lessons. They don't learn only crime subjects, but math, science and more. They start at 9:00 and finish at 14:00. They have to be concentrated all the day, especially in the range, sneak and similar subjects. There are 25 teachers in the school. Some of them are past prisoners, and the others are police-men or guardians. The students Very like the school and hope that they will be able to help and protect people. Thank you very much!
 
T

the html man

New member
Part 2

Interview: Interviewer: Hello, Dan! Why did you join the school for crime? Dan: In my childhood, I've always wanted to be a killer and to kill a lot of people. After I've understood that I'll not be able to be a killer, I decided I will at least learn how to be a criminal and the criminal's ways, and what to do if someone, for example, will try to choke me. Interviewer: Oh, that's very interesting! John, how was your first day in the School? John: In the beginning, I was afraid a little bit from the guns and the dangerous lessons, but after I learn how to use the stuff, the school became very interesting! Interviewer: what's your preferred lesson? Dan: I like the range. It's very nice when you success to לפגוע במטרה (How should I say it?)! John: I like the Judo lessons. I think it can be very useful and it's very fun. Interviewer: Thank you for your help. Good bye! I hope the school will contribute and help the students in the future and they'll have fun in their studies.​
 
N

Nimst

New member
עוד

Interview: Interviewer: Hello, Dan! Why did you join the school for crime? Dan: In my childhood, I always wanted to be a killer and to kill a lot of people. After I've understood that I'll not be able to be a killer, I decided I will at least learn how to be a criminal and the criminal's ways, and what to do if someone, for example, TRIES to choke me. Interviewer: Oh, that's very interesting! John, how was your first day in the School? John: In the beginning, I was A LITTLE afraid OF the guns and the dangerous CLASSES, but after I learnED how to use the stuff, the school became very interesting! Interviewer: what's your preferred (FAVOURITE IS BETTER) lesson? Dan: I like the SHOOTING range. It's very nice when you succeED IN HITTING THE TARGET (How should I say it?)! John: I like the Judo lessons. I think THEY can be very useful and fun. Interviewer: Thank you for your help. Good bye! I hope the school will contribute and help the students in the future, and I HOPE they have fun in their studies.​
 
N

Nimst

New member
בסך הכל טוב../images/Emo13.gif

Do you want to know how to enter your friends' houses without their permission? Do you want to steel your parents' car? The School for Crime ("SCHOOL OF CRIME" IS BETTER) is exactly for you! In our school we will learn the criminals' ways OF MAKING us suffer, and how to protect AGAINST them. The School for Crime is in NYC. There are 200 students in the school, ages 15-18. In order to BE acceptED to the school, you have to TAKE some tests – for example: A sport test, AN IQ text, etc. The students are very busy, and they have a lot of CLASSES. They don't learn only crime subjects, but ALSO math, science and more. They start at 9:00 and finish at 14:00. They have to be FOCUSED all the day, especially in the range, sneak and similar subjects (???). There are 25 teachers in the school. Some of them are past prisoners, and the others are police-men or guardians. The students like the school VERY MUCH and hope TO be able to help and protect people. עוד נקודה - בהתחלה אתה פונה לאנשים שרוצים לדעת איך להכנס לבתים של חברים שלהם ולגנוב את המכוניות של ההורים שלהם, אבל אח"כ אתה אומר שבי"ס מיועד לאנשים שרוצים לעזור ולהגן על אנשים. אני מבינה מה ניסית להגיד, אבל זה לא נשמע לגמרי נכון. בהצלחה
 
T

the html man

New member
WOW - Thank you!

Hi, that's great, thank you very much
I've changed to first paragraph in order to make it more logical so it will fit more to the content: Do you want to know how to enter your friends' houses without their permission? Do you want to help and protect people against criminals? The School of Crime is exactly for you! In our school we will learn the criminals' ways of making us suffer and how to protect against them. Is it better? Thank you very much
 
T

the html man

New member
2 Questoins:

1. What's better - "School of Crime" or "School for Crime"? 2. Are you sure we say "protect people AGAINST criminals" and not FROM? Thank you​
 
N

Nimst

New member
not sure if you're stil here, but if you are:

school for crime is not grammatically wrong, but it doesn't "sound right". The "school of crime" was my first thought, since it seemed (from the first couple of sentences) that you were talking about a school meant to teach crime (as in, teach people how to be criminals). In that case, "school of crime" would have been a better choice (School-of-rock style). Since that was not your intention, I'd say neither. "Crime School", as has been suggested by eitemo, is better than both.​
 
N

Nimst

New member
and also..

protect against and protect from are both correct. "protect against" is just a personal preference.
 
T

the html man

New member
Some changes

I've asked some people and I'm not sure that all of your fixes are right
for example, i'm not sure that you have to say "protect people AGAINST criminals" or FROM, or that "School OF Crime" is better that "School FOR Crime"... anyway, here the essay with some changes, and i'd like if someone will say if some of the changes that i didn't add are right... _________________________________________________________ School of crime Do you want to know how thieves enter your house without your permission? Do you want to help and protect people from criminals? The School of Crime is exactly for you! In our school you will learn the criminals' ways of making us suffer and how to protect from them. The School of Crime is in NYC. There are 200 students in the school, at the age of 15 to 18. In order to be accepted to the school, you have to take some tests – for example: a sport test, an IQ test etc. The students are very busy, and they have a lot of classes. They don't learn only crime subjects, but also math, science and more. They start at 9:00 AM and finish at 2:00 PM. They have to be concentrated during the whole day, especially in the shooting range, sneaking classes and similar subjects. There are 25 teachers in the school. Some of them are past prisoners, and the others are policemen or guardians. The students like the school very much and hope to be able to help and protect people. Interview: Interviewer: Hello, Dan! Why did you join the School of Crime? Dan: When I was a child, I've always wanted to be a criminal and steal a lot of money. After I've understood that it's not moral to be a criminal, I decided that I will at least learn the criminals' ways and how to protect people from them, and what should I do if someone, for example, will try to kill me. Interviewer: Oh, that's very interesting! John, how was your first day in the School? John: At the beginning, I was a little afraid of the guns and the dangerous classes, but after I learned how to use all that stuff, the school became very interesting! Interviewer: what's your favorite lesson? Dan: I like the shooting range. It's very nice when you succeed in hitting the target! John: I like the Judo lessons. I think they can be very useful and fun. Interviewer: Thank you for your help. Good bye! I hope the school will contribute and help the students in the future, and I hope they'll have fun in their studies. _____________________________________________________ I'm sorry if I ungrateful (כפוי טובה?), but I want to be sure
Thank you anyway
 
E

eietmo

New member
ok, how about "Crime School"?

you want to know how thieves enter your house without your permission? Do you want to help and protect people from criminals? The School of Crime (CRIME SCHOOL?) is exactly for you! In our school you will learn the criminals' ways of making us suffer and how to protect (TRY PROTECT OURSELVES FROM) them. The School of Crime is in NYC. There are 200 students in the school, BETWEEN the ageS of 15 to 18. In order to be accepted to thIS school, you have to take some tests: a sport test, an IQ test AND MANY MORE. The students are very busy, and they have TRY VARIOUS classes. They do NOT (WRITING IN THE SHORT FORM IS INFORMAL) learn only crime subjects, but also math, science and more. They start at 9:00 AM and finish at 2:00 PM. They have to be concentrated during the whole day, especially in the shooting range, sneaking classes and similar subjects. There are 25 teachers in the school. Some of them are past prisoners, and the others are policemen or guardians. The students like the school very much and hope to be able to help and protect people. Interview: Interviewer: Hello, Dan! Why did you join the School of Crime? Dan: When I was a child, I've always wanted to be a criminal and steal a lot of money. After I've understood that it's not moral to be a criminal, I decided that I will at least learn the criminals' ways and how to protect people from them, and what should I do if someone, for example, will try to kill me. Interviewer: Oh, that's very interesting! John, how was your first day in the School? John: At the beginning, I was a little afraid of the guns and the dangerous classes, but after I learned how to use all that stuff, the school became very interesting! Interviewer: what's your favorite lesson? Dan: I like the shooting range. It's very nice when you succeed (NO IN) hitting the target! John: I like the Judo lessons. I think they can be very useful and fun. Interviewer: Thank you for your help. Goodbye! I hope the school will contribute and help the students in the future, and I hope they WILL have fun in their studies. and I agree, school of crime sounds better. disregard my previous comment.​
 
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