../images/Emo207.gif סקר - אלוהים יעריך תשובות
God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, God asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions. 1. How did you find out about your deity?__ Newspaper__ Bible__ Torah__ Television__ Amazing Sexual encounter __ Book of Mormon__ Divine Inspiration__ Dead Sea Scrolls__ My Mama Done Tol' Me__ Near Death Experience__ Near Life Experience__ Internet Surfing__ Stubbing your toe__ National Public Radio__ Tabloid__ Mail Order__ Burning Shrubbery_____ Other 2. Which model deity did you acquire? __ Yahweh__ Father, Son & Holy Ghost [Trinity Pak] __ Jehovah __ Jesus __Krishna __ Zeus and entourage [Olympus Pak] __ Odin and entourage[Valhallah Pak] __ Allah __ Satan __ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature __Ra __ Ja __ Fa __ So __ La __ Ti __ Do __ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god 3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?__ Yes __ No If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here Please indicate all that apply:__ Not eternal__ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire cosmos __ Not omniscient __ Not omnipotent __ Not capable of being all things to all creations __ Permits sex outside of marriage __ Prohibits sex outside of marriage __ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera; Michael Jackson) __Makes or permits bad things to happen to good people __ When beseeched does not stay beseeched __ Requires burnt offerings __ Requires virgin sacrifices __ Does not require all men to have virgin Sacrifices 4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a deity? Please check all that apply. __ Indoctrinated by parents__ Needed a reason to live__ Indoctrinated by society__ Indoctrinated by wild eyed drug using hippies __ Indoctrinated by wild eyed Volvo driving yuppies __ Needed focus in whom to despise __Imaginary friend grew up __ Wanted to know Jesus in the Biblical sense__ Hate to think for myself __ Wanted to meet girls/boys __ Fear of death __ Wanted to piss off parents __ Needed a day away from work __Desperate need for certainty __ Like Organ Music __ Need to feel Morally Superior __ Thought Jerry Falwell was cool __ Shit was falling out of the sky __ My shrubbery caught fire and a loud voice commanded me to do it 5. Have you ever worshipped a deity before? Is so, which false god were you fooled by?..... Please check all that apply. __ Mick Jagger__ Baal__ The Almighty Dollar__ Bill Gates__ Left Wing Liberalism__ The Radical Right__ Beelzebub__ The Great Spirit__ The Great Pumpkin__ The Sun__ Elvis__ Cindy Crawford__ The Moon__ Other: ________________ 6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply. __ Tarot__ Lottery__ Astrology__ CD Rom__ Television__ Fortune cookies__ Ann Landers__ Psychic Friends Network__ Dianetics__ Palmistry__ Playboy and/or Playgirl__ Self-help books__ Sex, Drugs,Rock and Roll__ Biorhythms__ Alcohol__ Bill Clinton__ Tea Leaves__ The Internet__ Mantras__ Jimmy Swaggert__ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle) __ Human Sacrifice __ AVHumor __ Pyramids __ Wandering around a desert __ Wandering around a shoppingmall __ Insurance policies __ Burning Shrubbery __ Teletubbies __ Other:_____________________ __ None 7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith.Which would you prefer (circle one)?a. More Divine Intervention b. Less Divine Intervention c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right d. Don'tknow...what's Divine Intervention 8. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary): If you are able to complete the questionnaire and return it to one of Our conveniently located drop-off boxes by Oct. 30 you will be entered in The One Free Miracle of Your Choice drawing (chances of winning are approximately one in 6.023 x 10 to the 23rd power, depending on number of beings entered)
