The lesbian mothers ../images/Emo95.gif
הטקסט המצורף הוא מתוך מאמר מהאובזרבר של אתמול על גרסאות של להיות אמא ומספר על זוג אמהות לסביות, עם קצת סטטיסטיקה רלוונטית בסוף - למי שמעוניין.
הטקסט המצורף הוא מתוך מאמר מהאובזרבר של אתמול על גרסאות של להיות אמא ומספר על זוג אמהות לסביות, עם קצת סטטיסטיקה רלוונטית בסוף - למי שמעוניין.
Belinda Benton, 35, who works in IT, gave birth four months ago and will return to work next month. She lives near Cambridge with her partner, 44-year-old Ros Miller, who looks after their son Saul full-time Belinda: I was at the 2002 Pride march, in London, when I spotted this couple, a black woman and a white woman, with identical-twin girls. I just thought: 'That's what I want, a family.' Luckily, Ros agreed. I always thought I'd be with a woman who'd have kids but never imagined I would or should bear them myself. It's a terrible, internalised-homophobia thing - you get it into your head that lesbians simply don't have children. But seeing that couple, something shifted. Plus the timing felt right - I was happy, had a good job, and more importantly, was with the right woman. We decided I'd carry the baby - I'm a bit braver, plus there was Ros's age to consider. Then we needed to find a donor and had no long-term male friends to ask. Importing sperm from the States meant the father would be traceable - which we wanted for our child - but involved so much red tape. I ended up putting an ad on gay.com looking for an 'involved donor'. We got a reply immediately, from Damon, who was ideal. He just wanted monthly visits, Christmas and birthdays, was happy not to go on the birth certificate and for Ros to eventually adopt the child. After all the medical checks, we got on with it. It's the one question everyone asks: 'How did you do it?' Simple: yogurt pot and needle-less syringe. Getting pregnant was the tricky part. It took years. There was no medical reason why I wasn't getting pregnant; it was soul destroying. Ros had a go at one point - even had IVF, but it was no good, so it was back to me. Finally, in August 2005 my period was late. The line on the pregnancy test was so faint we got a magnifying glass, but it was there. The next nine months were a doddle, but the birth was terrible - I was rushed in for an emergency caesarean, under general anaesthetic. I took 12 hours to come round and realise I was a mother. I'm eager to prove that families like ours do work. Historically, kids have been brought up in all kinds of arrangements, and I don't think the current nuclear family will prove the best. There are about 15 lesbian households in Histon, our village, and just about all of them either have kids, are trying for them, or have given it serious thought. I tell them they should do it. After all, I couldn't imagine life any other way. Ros: I picked the name Saul - it means 'asked for'. I'd thought seriously about having kids years ago, but at that point I was with a guy who didn't want them. I didn't come out until I was 30 and had one lesbian relationship before meeting Belinda, but children weren't discussed with her either. I think I resigned myself to the fact it wasn't going to happen, but deep down, I wanted to be a mum. So when Belinda suggested it, I thought: 'Yes.' I was overwhelmed when we went for the first scan, couldn't stop crying - I'm different to Belinda in that respect, far more emotional. The antenatal classes were funny; we were the only lesbians there and the teacher struggled a bit, because you have to do different exercises for mums and dads and she didn't know which group to put me in. But the other couples were lovely; we still see a lot of them. As soon as Saul was born, they brought him out, put him in my arms. It was overwhelming - he was my little boy. I chose to give up work to look after him, which was a shock after 17 years in mental health, but actually I have adapted easily to motherhood. He's going to call me Mummy but he will call Belinda Mum. She will go back to work in November, but will still come back to see him at lunchtimes. We will be different, as parents. Belinda will probably be the one who sits and reads with him, and does all the technical stuff, taking his toys apart. In fact we have slightly different roles already, in that I get up with Saul in the mornings. But other than that, we share everything, apart from the breastfeeding, which Belinda does. We both worry about him being bullied at school. But kids get bullied about all kinds of things. We're lucky in that our community is so supportive. Some people have surprised me - there's a family we'd hardly spoken to, but the dad always stops to ask how we're getting on. It's been fantastic. Belinda says I'm far happier now and smile a lot more. The best thing for me is when you wake up, take that first look at him and he smiles at you. We already know we want another baby, will probably start trying in the next six months. Damon's been amazing and is keen to have another. As if he need ask! · Lesbian mums: Exact figures about gay parenting aren't available. However, Glasgow-based organisation Beyond Barriers say that 1 in 5 gay people in Scotland is now a parent, 10 per cent of whom conceived by artificial insemination. Further advice and information is available from www.stonewall.org.uk