Meraluna Drelonian:

DIDGIN

New member
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למה היא איבדה את ההכרה לפני שהוא נשך אותה?
 

Hammerfall

New member
שאלה יפה...

ואני מעריכה את זה שקראת... אולי בגלל הפאנקיה שהיא הייתה בה שסוף סוף גבתה את מחירה, אולי הוא עשה לה משהו, אני יכולה רק לנחש אבל אם אתה רוצה אני אשאל את השה"מ ואענה לך, או שהוא יענה לך...
 

Hammerfall

New member
נו אנשים?! באמת...

זה אמור להיות פורום שבו אפשר לפרסם את הדמות החדשה שחשבת עליה ולשתף את כולם ולשמוע את העצות, הערות, הצעות לשיפר, קטילות וכדומה אז מה נסגר איתכם?! אין אף אחד חוץ מהיחיד שהגיב שיכול לתת לי קצת פידבק? מה אני כבר מבקשת? מעט ביקורת, קצת התיחסות? קצת אכפתיות? איזה מן פורום אתם שאתם לא טורחים אפילו לקרוא את הסיפור הלא כל כך ארוך שממש השקעתי בו... יש מספיק סיפורים שזוכים להתייחסות ולשירשור ארוך אחריהם ולי רק אחד ויחיד מגיב? נפגעתי...
 

ננסק

New member
אנשים לא פותחים קבצי doc

עדיף בהרבה לשרשר את התוכן לתוך הודעה.
 

Hammerfall

New member
הבעיה היא שאני לא בטוחה שזה יכנס...

Meraluna Drelonian: Born to a gypsy mother by an unknown father, at her birth her mother passed away and she was raised by an elderly women named Valcuria which in her younger life was a very powerful witch who was very ugly and unattractive so she was doomed to live her life alone and unwed. Because she cared about the young baby in her keep, she bestowed what she thought of as a gift on the child, she gave her beauty, such stunning beauty and charming personality made her irresistible to men, all men. That gift was actually a curse to the young maiden in her life time, her beauty was known far and wide and many gentlemen young and old, kings and commoners have gallantly requested her hand in marriage, offering her anything her heart desires. She was a normal girl of 18, long dark black hair, beautiful big blue eyes, a perfect body, she was 1.70cm and weighing 60kg. Young and bashful unknown to the world of men and all the attention she received made her fear men and dislike their company. It was on a night of a great celebration in a village they have stopped in that it all changed. Nothing was unusual that day, she awake to the smell of food cooking for the party and everyone was busy with getting ready for the feast when the cook asked her for help in preparing the food, it took a while but eventually all was ready in time and the night fell and the party began. The guest of honor was the owner of the land, a young gentleman who kept looking at her, trying to get her attention and befriend her, there was something very appealing about that man, he appeared young but his eyes have seen much, he was dressed like royalty with black leather pants, a beautiful black silk shirt and a cape around his shoulders. His eyes were black as coal and so was his long silky hair, he was pale, tall and sturdy but gentle as a flower and the way he talked made all the women in the caravan fall in love with him at once, all but Luna that is, who refused his approach and didn't wish for his company. But finally he cornered her and she had no place to avoid him, his voice bewitched her and he told her that she will be his and he shell come for her tonight. She of course did not believe him and forgot all about it when she turned in after the party ended, she slept well and all was quite until she awake. She didn't know why she woke up, she looked around but there was nothing there, but when she tried to go back to sleep she felt as though someone was watching her and a weird feeling spread in her body when a cold, calm voice sounded in the room "good night my pretty, as I said, I am here for you". Luna didn't think twice, she dove under her bed for her short swords and she caught one and stood up again "leave now!" she tried to master her fear and shock but her voice was scared and panic stricken, "I will hurt you if you do not leave now!". The person in the dark made a sound that could be interpreted as a laugh, and walked forward into the light the moon gave through the small window in her trailer, it was the gentleman from the party, who owns this land. She warned him once more "pleas! leave now! Don't make me hurt you!" but instead of leaving he made a grab for her, he was fast but she was faster and she turned and scraped him with her sword. He lifted his hand to the slash and whipped the blood with a smile, liking it while the wound closed perfectly, as though it was never there "a feisty one, just the way I like them". Now Luna was frightened, she ran for the door but found that is was for some reason locked and she couldn't open it, she ran for the window (all this time he just stood there, watching her, doing nothing) but as she drew near it, it slammed shut and would not open again. Meraluna was clueless, she had no idea what to do, she was tired and scared and her body was working on adrenalin alone and that was running out.
 

Hammerfall

New member
המשך...

He walked forward and she walked backward until he was in front of her and her back was against the wall, she had no where to go, no place to run and he knew it, he looked pleased and he grabbed her. He was cold so cold he made her cold and there was nothing more. She awoke to darkness, complete and total darkness, it wasn't cold or warm, she didn't know if it was day or night it was just dark. She tried to get up but something was restraining her she was in a box, a coffin when that dawned on her she tried to let out a scream but she couldn't, she was too week for some reason but all she though about was getting out she kicked and pushed and opened the door above her, now she was touching dirt with her free hands, she was buried. In her panic she dug her way upward until finally she was out, it was night and the stars were covered with heavy clouds. she was naked but she didn't even notice it, the air was full of new scents, her sight was sharper and she so as clearly as she did in the day time, she felt numb, as if her skin had lost it's sensitivity. And then, she saw him standing there, leaning on a crooked tree looking at her as though fascinated with her. She took a look at herself, she was dirty, her long beautiful hair now filthy and crawling with insects, her nails broken and full of muck and on top of all, she was naked. She covered herself as best she could with her hand and looked at him, he was walking towards her "what have you done to me?! Where am I?! why am I here?! What do you want from me?!" she wanted to say, to scream at him but all that came out was a hollow croaking sound. "Welcome child, welcome to eternal darkness" he said in his cold enchanting voice as he reached behind the tree and pulled out a beautiful, naked, blonde girl. Meraluna could smell the blood in the girl's veins, she could smell her fear and when he let the girl loose and she started to run all luna could do was chase her down. She never knew she could run so fast but she caught her is seconds and sunk her teeth into her neck, drinking the sweet nectar from her body. She didn't think, she couldn't control it, that was what she had to do, something had taken over her… By the time she was finished with the girls body the wasn't much left, she went back to find the man but he wasn't there, she somehow knew she needed to head for his castle and she must beware the sun. On her way she passed a village and decided to go in, it was late at night and almost everyone was asleep, she ran for the first house she saw and knocked on the door violently. A nice old woman opened the door, saw Meraluna and all the dirt and blood she was covered in and invited her inside, a weird vacuum sensation followed the invitation and Meraluna entered the small house. The old woman prepared a bath for Luna and gave her some clothes left by her late daughter and went to bed. Meraluna couldn't sleep, she walked around the house as she came upon a symbol pinned to the wall, it looked religious and as Luna reached to touch it she was hit by something and thrown to the opposite wall. She thought that when the morning will come she could catch a ride with some villager but as dawn drew nearer she started to remember that she had to be in the castle before day brakes or else. So she started running and after a short while she got there, she knew the way by heart somehow and went down the stairs to a room filled with coffins, she walked among them until she found the one that belonged to her. It was calling for her and she was so tired, she went in, lay down, closed the lid above her and sank into sweet slumber.
 

DDN

New member
לא נוח לקריאה,

אבל התגברתי על הרוב.
 

HawkEye3

New member
סיפור נחמד :)

אהבתי במיוחד את הקטע של She awoke to darkness, complete and total darkness, it wasn't cold or warm או בעיברית "היא הקיצה לחשיכה, חשיכה מוחלטת, היא לא ידעה באם היה קר או שמא חם" אבל כמו שכתבתי כל הסיפור היה נחמד :) אה ואני לא אצא לטיול היומחר :)
 
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