../images/Emo6.gif Rules of Real World EMS
1. Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on these themes is a bad thing. 2. Sick people don't bitch. 3. The more equipment you see on an EMT's belt, the newer they are. 4. When dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say. 5. All bleeding stops...eventually. 6. If the child is quiet, be scared. 7. EMS is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror. 8. If the patient LOOKS sick, then the patient IS sick. 9. If the patient is sitting up and talking to you, then the patient is not in V-Fib, no matter what the monitor says. 10. It is generally bad to use the words "holy shit" on scene, in reference to the patient's condition. 11. When responding to a call, always remember that your ambulance was built by the lowest bidder. 12. Never get into the front of the ambulance with someone that is braver than you are. 13. The number of drugs a patient has on board is directly proportional to the number of knuckles tattooed. 14. If you respond to an MVA after midnight and you don't find a drunk,keep looking - you've missed a patient. 15. A tourniquet around the neck solves all problems. 16. All fevers eventually fall to room temperature. 17. Asystole is a very stable rhythm. 18. A patient's weight is in direct proportion to their altitude in the building. 19. When a call comes in 2 minutes before shift change, you will always pass your relief 1 block from the station, he/she/it will be laughing and waving at you. 20. Universal Precautions - Is it wet? Is it yours? If it is, and it isn't then leave it alone. 21. Death is a stabilization of the patient's condition. 22. Being in Emergency Services means you get to celebrate your holidays with all your friends, while on duty. 23. There are two kinds of EMS calls: "Oh-shit!" and "Bull-Shit!" 24. The more reflective striping there is on your jumpsuit, the easier it is for the only drunk driver going by the MVA to find you. 25. We are all slaves to the god "Motorola". 26. The stereo must always be louder than the siren. 27. Your patient will get new symptoms after your radio report and pulling up to the ER. 28. Don't get excited about blood unless it's your own. 29. No matter how many times and ways you ask the patient questions, the story will always change once they get into the ER making you look like an ass. 30. People don't call an ambulance because they did something right. 31. If they talk, they walk. 32. Working EMS means knowing how to ask in 7 different languages "Where are your shoes?".
1. Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on these themes is a bad thing. 2. Sick people don't bitch. 3. The more equipment you see on an EMT's belt, the newer they are. 4. When dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say. 5. All bleeding stops...eventually. 6. If the child is quiet, be scared. 7. EMS is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror. 8. If the patient LOOKS sick, then the patient IS sick. 9. If the patient is sitting up and talking to you, then the patient is not in V-Fib, no matter what the monitor says. 10. It is generally bad to use the words "holy shit" on scene, in reference to the patient's condition. 11. When responding to a call, always remember that your ambulance was built by the lowest bidder. 12. Never get into the front of the ambulance with someone that is braver than you are. 13. The number of drugs a patient has on board is directly proportional to the number of knuckles tattooed. 14. If you respond to an MVA after midnight and you don't find a drunk,keep looking - you've missed a patient. 15. A tourniquet around the neck solves all problems. 16. All fevers eventually fall to room temperature. 17. Asystole is a very stable rhythm. 18. A patient's weight is in direct proportion to their altitude in the building. 19. When a call comes in 2 minutes before shift change, you will always pass your relief 1 block from the station, he/she/it will be laughing and waving at you. 20. Universal Precautions - Is it wet? Is it yours? If it is, and it isn't then leave it alone. 21. Death is a stabilization of the patient's condition. 22. Being in Emergency Services means you get to celebrate your holidays with all your friends, while on duty. 23. There are two kinds of EMS calls: "Oh-shit!" and "Bull-Shit!" 24. The more reflective striping there is on your jumpsuit, the easier it is for the only drunk driver going by the MVA to find you. 25. We are all slaves to the god "Motorola". 26. The stereo must always be louder than the siren. 27. Your patient will get new symptoms after your radio report and pulling up to the ER. 28. Don't get excited about blood unless it's your own. 29. No matter how many times and ways you ask the patient questions, the story will always change once they get into the ER making you look like an ass. 30. People don't call an ambulance because they did something right. 31. If they talk, they walk. 32. Working EMS means knowing how to ask in 7 different languages "Where are your shoes?".