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king kazabubu

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ראיתי שאתם מראים דברים כמו 73 הדברים הטובים בלהיות גברים וכאלה... אז גם אני מוסיף למלאי אבל זה באנגלית ויותר מזה חיברו את זה בשנת 2001 ולא בשנות הארבעים כמו עם המקלחת. אז קבלו. יש לי עוד אחד אבל אני אמשיך אותו בשרשור. 50 Facts About Women 1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they´re actually in control. 2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don´t bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game. 3. Women never have anything to wear. Don´t question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don´t understand". 4. Women need to cry. And they won´t do it alone unless they know you can hear them. 5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty. 6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say. 7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That´s why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful. 8. Women don´t need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need. 9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there´s a spider or a wasp involved .10. Women can´t keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don´t view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people. 11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip. 12. Women can´t refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she´s doing. It might be the lottery calling. 13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn´t need toys if women had an "on/off" switch. 14. Women think all beer is the same. 15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest. 16. Women don´t understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be. 17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he´ll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she´ll pack 21 outfits because she doesn´t know what she´ll feel like wearing each day. 18. Women brush their hair before bed. 19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you´ll have a pretty good idea about how she´ll be in bed. 20. Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling. 21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man´s responsibility, "It´s there in the Bible". Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple? 22. Women do not know anything about cars. "Oil- stick, oil doesn´t stick?" 23. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share. 24. The average number of items in a typical woman´s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. 25. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren´t looking, men kick cats. 26. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours. 27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail. 28. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut. 29. Women don´t try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don´t fall asleep afterwards. 30. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, ´How do I look?´ 31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse. 32. The first naked man a woman sees is "Ken". 33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes. 34. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn. 35. "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language. 36. Lewis Carroll´s Caterpillar had nothing on women. 37. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading. 38. All women are overweight by definition; don´t agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don´t bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain. 39. If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?" 40. Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and the "good china". 41. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check. 42. Origin of the word "woman" is: woo-man. 43. If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in more trouble) 44. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they "left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves. 45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested. 46. Women don´t really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don´t see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you? 47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay. 48. It´s okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay. You don´t see straight men dancing together. 49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they´ll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women. 50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don´t hear men say, "Oh-my-GOD, there´s another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!"
 

king kazabubu

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Rules To Be A Man 1. Don´t call, ever. 2. If you don´t like a girl, don´t tell her. It´s more fun to let her figure it out by herself. 3. Lie. 4. lie. 5. If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell them you mailed it to them. 6. Here´s a good pickup line, "My girlfriend´s pregnant, will you go out with me?" 7. Drink Vernors. 8. Women want to hear all about YOU constantly! 9. Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don´t want to answer, a nice grunt will do. 10. Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter what, it isn´t your fault. 11. Lie. 12. Girls find it attractive if a man has friends than baths. 13. Never ask for help. Even if you really, really need help - don´t ask. 14. Women like it when you ignore them. 15. Vanity is the most important trait for a man to have. Whenever you pass a reflective surface, check your hair, clothing, etc. 16. If you don´t like a girl, but can´t think of a good enough reason why, just come up with trite, meaningless explanations like, "I don´t know. I just don´t like her personality." 17. If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible. 18. TWO WORDS: Hack and spit. 19. Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in urine. 20. One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best friend. She will then see what she´s missing and love you for not giving up on her. 21. Tell her you will call. Then, refer back to rule #1. 22. Say things like, "Wha...?" 23. Don´t wear matching clothes. People will think your girlfriend picked it out, and it will cramp your style on picking up chicks. 24. Lie. 25. Deny everything. Everything. 26. Good break up line, "It´s not you, it´s me." 27. If you like a girl, tell all your female friends about her Because if any of your female friends like you, they´ll really want to know. 28. Don´t have a clue. 29. If you get a clue, pretend you didn´t and disregard it. 30. No means yes. 31. Yes means no. 32. Lie. 33. Make up something to lie about to stay in practice. Improvise. 34. Did I mention that you should be able to lie. 35. Feelings? What feelings? 36. Never listen. 37. Life is one big competition. If someone is better than you at anything, either pretend it´s not true or kick some ass. 38. Gays are an unacceptable part of our society. Take it upon yourself to personally irradiate all of them from the planet. 39. DO NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall. If you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape. 40. Every sentence that anyone says can be contorted to have sexual meaning. Do so. 41. This is a good place to mention you should be able to lie. 42. Lie. 43. Love is not in your vocabulary. don´t even think about saying it 44. A general rule: If whatever you´re doing does not satisfy you completely in 5 minutes, it´s really not worth it. 45. Ditch your girlfriend. Beg and plead until you get her back. Ditch her again. Repeat cycle. 46. Lie. 47. ALWAYS apologize. NEVER mean it. 48. If you hurt someone, pretend you care. Don´t. 49. Try to have a good memory, but it´s OK if you forget trivial things. You know, like your girlfriend´s b-day and eye color. 50. Ignorance solves problems. If you can´t see them, they can´t see you. 51. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions. 52. Blame everything on PMS. 53. Complain about not getting any mail. When people FINALLY feel sorry for you and send you mail, ignore it and continue complaining. 54. Lie. 55. Play with your food only if you are in a public place with people you don´t know. 56. Automatically assume that she doesn´t know a thing about cars or electrical equipment. When she finally gives in and lets you fix something, try your best to completely ruin it. 57. If people express extreme disgust at whatever you are doing, DON´T STOP! This is the desired reaction. 58. When she finally convinces you to take her to Prom, refuse to dance. Besides, you´re just there to stand around and look cool, right? 59. You are male, therefore you want quality. 60. Invite your girlfriend to a Pantera concert. When she gets injured in the mosh pit, get your friend to take her to the emergency room. 61. Lie. 62. If you cheat on a girl, but no one finds out, then technically you´ve done nothing wrong. 63. Crying is not manly. Then again, if you are a man, what do you have to cry about, anyway? 64. If the question begins with "why," the answer is "I don´t know." 65. Women are your napkins. Use them, and throw them away. 66. When she gets a cold, to cheer her up, tell her exactly how red her nose is and how bleary her eyes are. Expect her to be grateful that you´re staying with her. 67. Lie. 68. Other peoples´ pain is strictly for your amusement. Laugh long and loud. 69. Lie. 70. General Rule: Different is BAD. 71. If anyone asks you for a favor... make a big deal about how hard it is for you to do it, remind them of this huge favor you´ve done for them at least every 5 minutes for the rest of their life. 72. Plan for months ahead to finally go to that wrestling match with all your friends, on your anniversary of course, but neglect to tell your significant other until the day before. When she starts crying, offer to take her along. When she kicks you out of the house, move in with your friends and watch wrestling. 73. Lie. (true story.) 74. If a girl breaks up with you because you´re in love with someone else, she has no right to be upset. Because, you know, SHE´s the one who wanted to end the relationship. 75. Lie. 76. Practice grunting 5 times a day. While some may find it acceptable to grunt only before the morning coffee, the true male will only answer in monosyllabic form, except for emergencies, i.e.. when some portion of your body is on fire. 77. Never ask for directions. Ever. Even if you find yourself crossing the state line when all you wanted was to go buy some ammo. 78. Never ever show emotion. No exceptions. Including the emergency listed in Rule 1. 79. Refuse to talk about the relationship. Get uptight whenever she mentions "love" or "commitment." 80. Leave your boxers on the dining room table. Several pairs. Pretend they aren´t there for as long as you can. 81. Never talk to a female, no matter how long you´ve known her, when you´re with your friends. 82. Watch WWF Wrestling and believe it´s real. Attempt to get tickets to the matches. 83. Tell your girlfriend she doesn´t kiss as well as your ex. 84. Realize that your phone bill is way too high, and you couldn´t possibly call any of your female friends, even if it´s local. 85. Be early for everything or don´t show up at all.
 

king kazabubu

New member
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תראו בסך הכל יש עוד מיליון דברים שאפשר לצחוק עליהם ורסמי כל היתרונות שאני רואה בלהיות גבר כל אישה תראה כחסרון. ואותו דבר הפוך... אז צחקו צחקו אבל במציאות אם אתה לא מאלה שהם בעצם נשים בגוף של גבר או גברים בגוף של אישה (מה שאגב יותר נפוץ) אז הסתפקו במה שיש לכם. תודו בזה שאין מין עליון. פשוט אין. כל אחד וטעמו האישי. כמובן שאני חושב שעדיף להיות גבר אבל זו דעתי. ובתור מלך מותר שתהיה לי דעה. אז עד כאן הצחוקיות והבדיחות נמשיך אתכם שבוע הבא אותה שעה אותו פורום ואותו מלך KING KAZABUBU
 
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