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House: (about a comatose woman) She's a fridge with a power out. You start poking around inside, the vegetable goes bad. No offense. Dr. Cuddy: He's 66 years old. House: He told me he was 65. Liar. I'm outta here. Dr. Foreman: His right testicle is almost twice as big as his left. House: Cool! House: When guys have brain/crotch problems, it’s usually the result of using one too much and the other too little. Dr. Cameron: I thought we were wearing the wrong shoes for cancer. House: We’re wearing the wrong shoes for testicular cancer. They’re perfect for lymphoma. Except Chase’s – they’re just goofy. House: Norwegian chocolate. Frankly, you buy that stuff the terrorists win. Dr. Wilson: It’s not all about sex, House. House: Really? When did that change? House: Wilson! How long can you go without sex? Dr. Wilson: How long can you go without annoying people? Henry: I assume you’ve been in love? House: Is that the one that makes your pants feel funny? House: Cheese is the devil's plaything. House: Key to a long life – exotic women, boring cheese. House: If you really cared about me you’d find me a better corpse. Dr. Cuddy: Don’t you think that’s a little manipulative? House: No, it’s hugely manipulative. Dr. Cameron: We’re going to cure death? House: (laughs maniacally) I doubt it. Ronald: I assume House is a great doctor? Dr. Chase: Why would you assume that? Ronald: Because if you’re that big a jerk you’re either great or unemployed. House: So I have to wonder what could be more humiliating then someone calling your girlfriend a cow and not being metaphorical? Dr. Wilson: Let’s say you’re right. House: You’re saying I’m right? Dr. Wilson: No. Let us say it. Dr. Cameron: She’s positive for gonorrhea. House: I think that’s the first time those words have been uttered in joy.