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Engineers Jokes ... Understanding Engineers - Take One Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you." Understanding Engineers - Take Two To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Understanding Engineers - Take Three A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! " The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George, say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime. " The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?" Understanding Engineers - Take Four What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets. Understanding Engineers - Take Five "Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet." Understanding Engineers - Take Six An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office Understanding Engineers - Take Seven An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Engineers Jokes ... Understanding Engineers - Take One Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you." Understanding Engineers - Take Two To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Understanding Engineers - Take Three A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! " The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George, say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime. " The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?" Understanding Engineers - Take Four What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets. Understanding Engineers - Take Five "Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet." Understanding Engineers - Take Six An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office Understanding Engineers - Take Seven An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
../images/Emo32.gif טופ, נו, אפשר להבין מהנדסים
אבל צריך מילון מיוחד בשביל זה:
אבל צריך מילון מיוחד בשביל זה:
Top Engineering Terms and Expressions - Part I (What engineers say versus what they mean) 1. A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.) 2. Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.) 3. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach. (We just hired three punk kids out of school.) 4. Major technological breakthrough! (It works OK, but looks very hi-tech!) 5. Customer satisfaction is believed assured. (We are so far behind schedule, that the customer will take anything.) 6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive. (The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.) 7. Test results were extremely gratifying! (Unbelievable, it actually worked!) 8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned. (The only guy who understood the thing quit.) 9. It is in process. (It is so wrapped in red tape that the situation is completely hopeless.) 10. We will look into it. (Forget it! We have enough problems already.) 11. Please note and initial. (Let's spread the responsibility for this.) 12. Give us the benefit of your thinking. (We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we have already done or with what we are going to do.) Top Engineering Terms and Expressions - Part II (What engineers say versus what they mean) 13. Give us your interpretation. (We can't wait to hear your bull.) 14. See me or let's discuss. (Come to my office, I've screwed up again.) 15. All new. (Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.) 16. Rugged. (Don't plan to lift it without major equipment.) 17. Robust! (Rugged, but more so) 18. Light weight. (Slightly lighter than rugged) 19. Years of development. (One finally worked) 20. Energy saving. (Achieved when the power switch is off.) 21. No maintenance. (Impossible to fix) 22. Low maintenance. (Nearly impossible to fix) 23. Fax me the data. (I'm too lazy to write it down.) 24. We are following the standard! (That's the way we have always done it!) 25. I didn't get your e-mail. (I haven't checked my e-mail for days.)
../images/Emo32.gif ואיך תדע שאתה מהנדס?
You Might Be an Engineer If (The Short List) 1. You have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically. 2. You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division. 3. You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator. 4. It is sunny and 70 degrees outdoors, and you are working on a computer. 5. You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water. 6. You think in "math." 7. You have a pet named after a scientist. 8. You laugh at jokes about mathematicians. 9. The Humane Society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment. 10. You can translate English into Binary. 11. You are completely addicted to caffeine. 12. The "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use. 13. You assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier. 14. You understood more than five of these indicators. 15. You make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.
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