אנגלית
- פותח הנושא La Gamba
- פורסם בתאריך
חבל, יש כאלה שמתחילים רעיון
והוא לא יעבוד בשפה אחת אלא באחרת, אני מניח שרוב (90%) מקוראי הפורום קוראים אנגלית, למה שלא לפרסם פה? כמו שאמרת לפחות בהודעה אחת, שהפורום מיועד לביקורת על סיפורים של מבקרי הפורום ולפרסום של סיפורים כאלה, גם אם הסיפורים נכתבו באתר אחר, למה להגביל לעברית?
והוא לא יעבוד בשפה אחת אלא באחרת, אני מניח שרוב (90%) מקוראי הפורום קוראים אנגלית, למה שלא לפרסם פה? כמו שאמרת לפחות בהודעה אחת, שהפורום מיועד לביקורת על סיפורים של מבקרי הפורום ולפרסום של סיפורים כאלה, גם אם הסיפורים נכתבו באתר אחר, למה להגביל לעברית?
כי, כפי שכבר ציינתי
פורומים שאפשר לקבל בהם פידבק על סיפורים באנגלית יש כמו זבל. פורומים שאפשר לקבל בהם פידבק על סיפורי מד"ב בעברית יש בדיוק שניים (והכוונה לפורומים שמיועדים ספציפית למטרה הזו). אם מספר גדול של משתתפי הפורום יביעו רצון בזה, כמובן שנשקול את זה, אבל זה נראה לי נוגד את מטרתו של הפורום.
פורומים שאפשר לקבל בהם פידבק על סיפורים באנגלית יש כמו זבל. פורומים שאפשר לקבל בהם פידבק על סיפורי מד"ב בעברית יש בדיוק שניים (והכוונה לפורומים שמיועדים ספציפית למטרה הזו). אם מספר גדול של משתתפי הפורום יביעו רצון בזה, כמובן שנשקול את זה, אבל זה נראה לי נוגד את מטרתו של הפורום.
bugs on two legs (part one)
You can’t tell the bug, by the number of feet it has! Body guarding gave Lance the creeps; all in all you´re supposed to take a bullet for some guy you´ve never meet (or in this case, a lady you´ve never meet, but would really like too, which kinda made this easier) and get paid for it, but what´s the point in getting cred´ (and far form little in this case- which again colored the ops´ in an inkling of logic) in your account if you actually took a bullet, or in case it´s a large caliber sniper round, or even a few of the above mentioned, the chances were you wouldn´t be around to enjoy neither the money nor the pretty girl. Thoughts like that kinda put a dampener on the whole evening for Lance. But then again Lance, the largest in the troop, pulling well over 2 meters and 120 kilo´s of muscle warped tightly by a couple Kevlar and Mylar layers and on that a rather baggy two piece rent-a-tux (hey, if your already getting ready to take the slug (or several, as had occurred to Lance a few seconds ago) for someone else you better BE READY), thinking wasn´t what he was being paid for, that was what SilentMoon and Max did best. It was gala night and "Totally Functional" was having it´s global premier shown in Seattle neoKingDome, the adoring masses were pushing themselves into a frenzy beside the red carpet entrance into the theater, doing anything to sneak a peek or even a photo of their cinematic star or starlet (seeing the scene from a far reminded Lance of Natalie´s briefing "Nothing could be worse for a bodyguard ops’ then a tight ally with flashing lights going off all around you") Controlled by another member of the team, a driving specialist, who sat right next to Lance, the Mitsubishi Nightsky Limousine gracefully slowed from a cruise into a crawl and finally to a halt. Once the wheeled 8 meter display of opulence had taken its position at the end of the red carpet, Lance pulled his suited frame out the front door, he slowly come around the back of the car pressing the marvel of electronics in his ear, all the while thinking of Nikki´s marvelous curves, hearing it sound out the preordained triple chirp over the com-net the group shared, it requested an "all clear" from one further member of the team, who was set up several floors up, in an apartment (what´s an expense account for?) building right across the street. Just as Lance touch the chromed door handle, the reply, in the form of a melody "hit the road jack", came through, which was good. Giving the door the lightest of tugs and letting the hydraulics do the rest, he took a step to the left, and turned about smartly, this is showbiz after all. The crowd went into a frenzy cheers, yells and some high-pitched sounds that were usually reserved for to certain (big) types of supersonic jets engines, and all the while burst of white light, attempts to get the first pictures of the hot superstar. Finally a figure stepped out of the car, the crowd reach new heights in it ecstasy only to find itself cheering for a completely anonymous tall dark skinned Amerid in a sporty black suit, stepping out of the unlighted darkness that was the interior of this drivable castle, SilentMoon, a veteran of the group, gave the crowd a quick once-over and started ever so slowly, stepping towards the double door that meant safety. Lance extended his palm, to assist a slender manicured hand reaching out shadows that had held the Amerid scarce seconds ago, taking him up on the offer the hand was immanently followed by a similarly slender arm connected to a set of thin shoulder top by a delicate face framed by platinum blond hair that went down a prominent set of breasts on to a well flattened stomach and stopped at a set of well toned buttocks, but the fun didn´t stop there, two long sensual legs, all wrapped tightly into a designer dress that cost enough to feed a Native Amazonian village for over a year, even though it cover less then what that forest did South America now-a-days (to the great delight of many male fans), this is what made Nikki Nova the worlds hottest actress at the moment. Stepping into the flash lights with a smile that revealed two lines of strait pearly white teeth that would give some of the cameras in the crowd serious flash-return problems she walked slowly down the red carpet, while keeping a good two step distance behind Silent but staying (comfortably) close to Lance, giving the fans their glint of glitz. Lance liked Nikki a lot, or Samantha, as her real name was, in the
You can’t tell the bug, by the number of feet it has! Body guarding gave Lance the creeps; all in all you´re supposed to take a bullet for some guy you´ve never meet (or in this case, a lady you´ve never meet, but would really like too, which kinda made this easier) and get paid for it, but what´s the point in getting cred´ (and far form little in this case- which again colored the ops´ in an inkling of logic) in your account if you actually took a bullet, or in case it´s a large caliber sniper round, or even a few of the above mentioned, the chances were you wouldn´t be around to enjoy neither the money nor the pretty girl. Thoughts like that kinda put a dampener on the whole evening for Lance. But then again Lance, the largest in the troop, pulling well over 2 meters and 120 kilo´s of muscle warped tightly by a couple Kevlar and Mylar layers and on that a rather baggy two piece rent-a-tux (hey, if your already getting ready to take the slug (or several, as had occurred to Lance a few seconds ago) for someone else you better BE READY), thinking wasn´t what he was being paid for, that was what SilentMoon and Max did best. It was gala night and "Totally Functional" was having it´s global premier shown in Seattle neoKingDome, the adoring masses were pushing themselves into a frenzy beside the red carpet entrance into the theater, doing anything to sneak a peek or even a photo of their cinematic star or starlet (seeing the scene from a far reminded Lance of Natalie´s briefing "Nothing could be worse for a bodyguard ops’ then a tight ally with flashing lights going off all around you") Controlled by another member of the team, a driving specialist, who sat right next to Lance, the Mitsubishi Nightsky Limousine gracefully slowed from a cruise into a crawl and finally to a halt. Once the wheeled 8 meter display of opulence had taken its position at the end of the red carpet, Lance pulled his suited frame out the front door, he slowly come around the back of the car pressing the marvel of electronics in his ear, all the while thinking of Nikki´s marvelous curves, hearing it sound out the preordained triple chirp over the com-net the group shared, it requested an "all clear" from one further member of the team, who was set up several floors up, in an apartment (what´s an expense account for?) building right across the street. Just as Lance touch the chromed door handle, the reply, in the form of a melody "hit the road jack", came through, which was good. Giving the door the lightest of tugs and letting the hydraulics do the rest, he took a step to the left, and turned about smartly, this is showbiz after all. The crowd went into a frenzy cheers, yells and some high-pitched sounds that were usually reserved for to certain (big) types of supersonic jets engines, and all the while burst of white light, attempts to get the first pictures of the hot superstar. Finally a figure stepped out of the car, the crowd reach new heights in it ecstasy only to find itself cheering for a completely anonymous tall dark skinned Amerid in a sporty black suit, stepping out of the unlighted darkness that was the interior of this drivable castle, SilentMoon, a veteran of the group, gave the crowd a quick once-over and started ever so slowly, stepping towards the double door that meant safety. Lance extended his palm, to assist a slender manicured hand reaching out shadows that had held the Amerid scarce seconds ago, taking him up on the offer the hand was immanently followed by a similarly slender arm connected to a set of thin shoulder top by a delicate face framed by platinum blond hair that went down a prominent set of breasts on to a well flattened stomach and stopped at a set of well toned buttocks, but the fun didn´t stop there, two long sensual legs, all wrapped tightly into a designer dress that cost enough to feed a Native Amazonian village for over a year, even though it cover less then what that forest did South America now-a-days (to the great delight of many male fans), this is what made Nikki Nova the worlds hottest actress at the moment. Stepping into the flash lights with a smile that revealed two lines of strait pearly white teeth that would give some of the cameras in the crowd serious flash-return problems she walked slowly down the red carpet, while keeping a good two step distance behind Silent but staying (comfortably) close to Lance, giving the fans their glint of glitz. Lance liked Nikki a lot, or Samantha, as her real name was, in the
bugs on two legs (part two)
past four days together they had really gotten to know each other. Lance had heard from Max that the press kept calling her a "Glam-a-fied-Null-head", and besides the blond hair and pretty face there was nothing but vacuum, he seemed find that the media had her figured out right, Lance simply couldn’t agree less, he found her great, she knew all kinds of things about all kinds of stuff, fun stuff, about art and fashion and history and some more things Lance didn´t really figure, but he nodded and smiled anyway. The crack brought Lance right back from his fluffy dreamy heaven, taking half a step forwards, it was time to become a bullet sponge. Draping his arms around the white clad starlet, his earpiece started buzzing giving the "threat" alert to all whom may not have heard the shot. Putting his arms around the thin figure trying to cover her as completely as possible he already found that Silent was already less then an arms length away, heavy pistol in hand, and covering her from the front while pulling at his suit to move them towards the entrance, another whip crack sounded, and a little molten sun exploded across Lances left rib cage- the Kevlar had held or he wouldn´t have felt that, just as Lance started shoving the cringing target as gently as he could forwards, towards the double doors, they expelled two suited gorillas sporting evil looking short stub SMG´s. Thinking he was hearing some mumbling through the ear-com Lance was too preoccupied, trying not to crush the minute lady he was draped around while pushing her forward at a Speed dictated to him by the insistent pulling of SilentMoon doing the outmost to ignore the pain in his rapidly numbing ribcage, all the while a total chaos was unfolding around him, in a crowd trying to run every which way, just not to get shot, his gray matter was already nearing overload, the continued ramblings of the com-piece simply didn´t fully register. As he passed the two SMG´ totting thugs guarding the door another thunder clap went off, followed by a grunt on his left, as well as a twin set of needle prick on his left shoulder and between the shoulder blades. The doors were slammed shut behind him, nearly shaving some hair off his ass. As he let go (maybe a bit reluctantly) of his charge, Silent gave her a once over, just to make sure she wasn´t shot and under shock. Once she was cleared he took a look at Lance, bending his vulture nose slightly, Numb and pumped with adrenaline and scanning the corridor left and right, making sure nothing came any closer then arms length. A voice in his ear punched through the fog in Lance head, "Hit him again.... He´s down.... He´s secured!" and the com-piece finally started making sense again, "Clear the entrance, and bring in the estab-guards, he´s bleeding all over the carpet" Natalie was starting to fire off order of her perch in the apartment, co-ordination an orderly pull back into the theater. As the troop came in one by one they all gave Lance a lengthy look, starting to check himself, "Wha?" Lance whizzed out between adrenaline pumped breathing. "Well the tuxedo is a goner" Silent noted, almost at as an off hand remark, reaching back under his armpit, and half way across his ribcage, a rather numb part of his anatomy at the moment, he felt shreds, a whole lot of them, and some lose rubbery materiel. As panic started ebbing Lance finally reached the last layer his fingers could push through, a layer of rough texture that was slightly warm to touch- the jacket might have been shredded and Mylar unwoven but the Kevlar had held, and subsequently so had his skin! As order returned ever so slowly to the theater hall Lance started relaxing, taking Nikki/Samtha´s fussing over his bruised ribs gallantly and unlike the rest of the team wasn´t all that outraged at the theaters management´s decision "the show must go on" And to bring in the rest of the stars (albeit under almost fascistic security) and go on with the screening! All in all Lance enjoy the movie, Samantha and to a certain extent the bruising (he got all the ice cream he could chow down!) that´s what
past four days together they had really gotten to know each other. Lance had heard from Max that the press kept calling her a "Glam-a-fied-Null-head", and besides the blond hair and pretty face there was nothing but vacuum, he seemed find that the media had her figured out right, Lance simply couldn’t agree less, he found her great, she knew all kinds of things about all kinds of stuff, fun stuff, about art and fashion and history and some more things Lance didn´t really figure, but he nodded and smiled anyway. The crack brought Lance right back from his fluffy dreamy heaven, taking half a step forwards, it was time to become a bullet sponge. Draping his arms around the white clad starlet, his earpiece started buzzing giving the "threat" alert to all whom may not have heard the shot. Putting his arms around the thin figure trying to cover her as completely as possible he already found that Silent was already less then an arms length away, heavy pistol in hand, and covering her from the front while pulling at his suit to move them towards the entrance, another whip crack sounded, and a little molten sun exploded across Lances left rib cage- the Kevlar had held or he wouldn´t have felt that, just as Lance started shoving the cringing target as gently as he could forwards, towards the double doors, they expelled two suited gorillas sporting evil looking short stub SMG´s. Thinking he was hearing some mumbling through the ear-com Lance was too preoccupied, trying not to crush the minute lady he was draped around while pushing her forward at a Speed dictated to him by the insistent pulling of SilentMoon doing the outmost to ignore the pain in his rapidly numbing ribcage, all the while a total chaos was unfolding around him, in a crowd trying to run every which way, just not to get shot, his gray matter was already nearing overload, the continued ramblings of the com-piece simply didn´t fully register. As he passed the two SMG´ totting thugs guarding the door another thunder clap went off, followed by a grunt on his left, as well as a twin set of needle prick on his left shoulder and between the shoulder blades. The doors were slammed shut behind him, nearly shaving some hair off his ass. As he let go (maybe a bit reluctantly) of his charge, Silent gave her a once over, just to make sure she wasn´t shot and under shock. Once she was cleared he took a look at Lance, bending his vulture nose slightly, Numb and pumped with adrenaline and scanning the corridor left and right, making sure nothing came any closer then arms length. A voice in his ear punched through the fog in Lance head, "Hit him again.... He´s down.... He´s secured!" and the com-piece finally started making sense again, "Clear the entrance, and bring in the estab-guards, he´s bleeding all over the carpet" Natalie was starting to fire off order of her perch in the apartment, co-ordination an orderly pull back into the theater. As the troop came in one by one they all gave Lance a lengthy look, starting to check himself, "Wha?" Lance whizzed out between adrenaline pumped breathing. "Well the tuxedo is a goner" Silent noted, almost at as an off hand remark, reaching back under his armpit, and half way across his ribcage, a rather numb part of his anatomy at the moment, he felt shreds, a whole lot of them, and some lose rubbery materiel. As panic started ebbing Lance finally reached the last layer his fingers could push through, a layer of rough texture that was slightly warm to touch- the jacket might have been shredded and Mylar unwoven but the Kevlar had held, and subsequently so had his skin! As order returned ever so slowly to the theater hall Lance started relaxing, taking Nikki/Samtha´s fussing over his bruised ribs gallantly and unlike the rest of the team wasn´t all that outraged at the theaters management´s decision "the show must go on" And to bring in the rest of the stars (albeit under almost fascistic security) and go on with the screening! All in all Lance enjoy the movie, Samantha and to a certain extent the bruising (he got all the ice cream he could chow down!) that´s what
טוב, הסיפור לא היה מאורגן
בצורה נוחה מבחינה ויזואלית, בנוסף לעובדה שבכל מקרה לא נח (לי לפחות) לקרוא קטעים ארוכים מהמחשב, בייחוד כאלה שלא בעברית, אבל אני עושה את המאמץ! פשוט מבחינה ההפרדה בין הפסקות, והעימוד- הסיפור לא היה מסודר אולי אם זה יאורגן מחדש, יהיה יותר נוח לקרוא and I will be able to follow
בצורה נוחה מבחינה ויזואלית, בנוסף לעובדה שבכל מקרה לא נח (לי לפחות) לקרוא קטעים ארוכים מהמחשב, בייחוד כאלה שלא בעברית, אבל אני עושה את המאמץ! פשוט מבחינה ההפרדה בין הפסקות, והעימוד- הסיפור לא היה מסודר אולי אם זה יאורגן מחדש, יהיה יותר נוח לקרוא and I will be able to follow
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